DEA Reclassifies Marijuana to Schedule 0: Super Restrictions

_{Published April 30, 2024}

WASHINGTON DC — Making good on a long overdue promise, the Biden administration has finally made moves to reclassify marijuana.

That decision, however, was to make the naturally occurring plant even more restrictive to access.

“We’ve had decades to review the data, and it’s become clear: companies aren’t profiting enough on this,” said President Biden. “I think our nation collectively agrees that the people currently imprisoned for decades for possessing this plant, while others become rich off selling it, is a pillar of American society that we need to double down on.”

“That is why the DEA has created a new schedule—Schedule 0—exclusively for naturally occurring compounds with very low-risk profiles and high unprofitability profiles, like marijuana and mushrooms.”

As of press time, there was no word on why every major outlet continues to use the word “marijuana,” which was popularized in the US to disparage cannabis and Mexico, when reporting on cannabis.

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